God Has a “FENCE” Around Me

Okay, here is my mom and my dad. I woke up this morning and this pic was in the one year ago today thing on Facebook. How ironic after watching “FENCES” last night. Just for the record: They were two of the most beautiful people that the world has ever known. Just for the record. I don’t need therapy and my comments about the movie “Fences” below were after sitting with my wife watching it in my home last night.

Throughout the movie I had to explain to my wife the plot, lessons, irony, etc. that the movie portrayed. The movie was well acted, intense and a theatrical masterpiece in many ways.

I lived with and saw every character that appeared on that screen and some of the scripts dialogue had me in a good place, reminiscing. What was troubling was not my hurt and my pain. I have much love for both of my parents and often talk about how they “BOTH” shaped my life and helped me to become who I am today. (Both my mom and my dad are stuffed down inside of me.)

I’m a pastor and as a pastor, I was thinking about all of the people who would approach the movie theatrically and wind up getting blindsided emotionally. It’s not billed as some “christian” movie that has a christocentric message to help folk get over past hurts and pains. It’s just a movie, but many people are not gonna benefit from it’s content if they are not in the right state of mind when they watch it.

My dad was abusive, my mother submissive. My dad was an alcoholic and when he was drunk, ain’t no telling what he’d say or do. He was married multiple, multiple times. I can’t even remember him calling me by my name growing up. But, HE WAS MY DADDY.

After not seeing him for 16 years, he showed up to my first public sermon. We embraced and had a “good” relationship prior to him dying. When he died we found a boombox next to his bed. It only played one thing. It played that sermon that he heard me preach when I preached for the first time. His wife at the time said, when he got down on himself, he’d listen to that sermon again and again. She said that, “Your daddy was really proud of you.”

My daddy walked out on my mama and left her to raise 5 boys by herself with not one dime of child support for any of us. My mother never took him to court and just worked 3 jobs to take care of us. This is the reason why I never stepped in the doorways of a church until I was 26 years old. She worked every weekend and I would go and work along side of her every Sunday and do odd jobs to help make more money to take care of our family needs.

Even when I got saved I wrestled with the “why” of the relationship. Why did you leave? Why did you beat my mama?, Why were you so mean? I couldn’t get an answer from him. But, when he died. About a year later, I visited his grave site, meticulously cleaned off his tombstone and had a talk with him and this time, he had to listen. He couldn’t talk back or philosophy. I said everything that I felt I needed to say and then I “FORGAVE” my daddy. I wept for over 6 hours and it took me 7 hours to drive from Ocala to Jacksonville. My son and my daughter and my wife were comforting me and I vowed to my wife and little children that I would never leave them nor forsake them. I held tightly to my little son Stephen Vaughn McLaughlin and I said to him that I wouldn’t do him like my dad did me.

Point: MY FATHER NEVER TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME. HE NEVER SAID TO ME THAT HE WAS PROUD OF ME. MY FATHER WAS NOT THERE FOR ME. WHEN MY FATHER WAS THERE IT WAS NOT A GOOD ENVIRONMENT AND I WAS AFRAID. BUT MY DADDY WAS MY DADDY AND I’M GLAD ABOUT IT.

NOW GOD HAS A “FENCE” AROUND ME AND MY FAMILY AND I’M NOT LETTING NOTHING COME IN AND DESTROY OUR DREAMS, DESTINIES AND PURPOSES. I LOVE MY WIFE, MY DAUGHTER AND MY SON TO LIFE.

AND I THANK DENZEL FOR HIS ACTING ACUMEN. BUT PRAY BEFORE YOU WATCH THE MOVIE. I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

I love you dad and mom. Your son that I hope made you both proud. Yall did good bringing me into the world. For that, I am grateful.

PS. Mama I especially miss you so much. Oh, I miss you.

—Vaughn McLaughlin